An Excerpt from F*ck Happiness

The pursuit of happiness doesn’t always yield positive results. Research conducted in 2023 found that 29% of Americans have been diagnosed with depression at some point in their lives, and 17.8% currently experience depression. So, what should we focus on instead to lead a meaningful life?

Shawn Nowotnik, an artist and therapist, was compelled to confront this question after the tragic loss of his son to suicide. In his new book, F*ck Happiness, Nowotnik asserts that we need to reject the cultural belief that happiness is the ultimate goal. Instead, he advocates for embracing the complexity of life with authenticity and depth.

In this excerpt, Nowotnik encourages readers to let go of the pursuit of perfection and instead find joy in life's ups and downs.

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The Myth of Perfection

The glamorous mirage of perfection is fueled by the never-ending scroll of flawlessness on our beloved social media platforms. Who needs real happiness when we can chase the impossible dream of impeccability, right? From impeccable bodies to flawlessly choreographed careers, the allure of perfection has invaded every crevice of our existence, cunningly masquerading as an enticing objective. But let’s not be fooled by the glossy exterior; underneath lies a web of pressure and misery that’s about as healthy as a sugar-coated bullet. 

The factors that fuel this perfection-seeking madness! Let’s not forget the societal standard that like to play with our self-esteem, parading around airbrushed fantasies as reality. And don’t even get me started on those carefully curated success stories that make us feel like anything short of perfection is akin to failure. It’s the perfect recipe for an existential identity crisis, spiced up with a dash of low self-esteem. 

Aiming for excellence can be a good motivator, but chasing perfection? Well that’s a one-way ticket to anxiety central. Striving for flawlessness ensures that self-doubt is your constant companion, and fear of falling flat on your face is the new normal. Each tiny blemish becomes a reason to unleash a storm of self-loathing, and guess what? You get the grand prize of feeling utterly unfulfilled. 

Breaking free from this circus of perfectionism requires more than a pinch of self-awareness. It’s time to pop the bubble and see that the pursuit of perfection is like chasing a rainbow—pretty darn impossible. Those meticulously curated narratives? Yeah, they’re about as authentic as a reality TV show. 

And hey, here’s a radical thought: How about valuing yourself for who you are instead of some photoshopped version? Embrace the chaos, the vulnerabilities, and the glorious messiness of being human. It’s not just about dumping perfection: it’s about replacing it with a healthy dose of self-compassion. When you treat yourself as kindly as you’d treat your nana’s fluffy kitten, things start looking different. 

Let’s be rebels and redefine success. Let’s trade the unattainable for authentic growth. And while we’re at it, let’s save some compassion for ourselves. After all, the pursuit of perfection might as well be replaced by the pursuit of a well-earned eye-roll and a genuine smile at life’s wonderfully imperfect journey. 

The Gift of Imperfection 

Behold the glittering crown jewel of irony: the gift of imperfection, buried beneath the rubble of our desperate scramble for flawlessness. Yes, you read it right. Imperfections—those glorious blemishes and quirks—are the unsung heroes of our human existence. They’re not to be hidden or Photoshopped into oblivion; they’re the very stitches that bind the patchwork of our existence. Who needs perfection when we can have a mosaic of messy authenticity? 

Imperfections—those battle scars and quirks that set us apart from the perfectly symmetrical robots we’re supposed to be—shouldn't be eared. Instead, we should proudly display them. Because guess what? These quirks and charming flaws remind us that we’re not the lone stars of our suffering stories. They’re the universal language of relatability, connecting us like Wi-Fi in a crowded cafe. 

Imperfections aren’t just collectible oddities; they’re the secret to creativity and growth. Forget the stifling pursuit of perfection—what you need is a healthy dose of trial, error, and glorious mistakes. Albert Einstein tripped over his shoelaces of learning challenges to reach genius territory. And Winston Churchill, with his eloquent stammer, showed us that sometimes the best speeches are fueled by imperfections.  

And let’s not forget the grand finale: turning imperfections into strengths. It’s like magic, except it’s real. Those who openly admit their struggles and transform them into stepping stones to success? They’re the rock stars of resilience. Sharing these tales of triumph and tribulation creates a tribe bonded by the shared experience of life’s unpredictability. It’s like a secret club where you’re automatically in if you’ve ever made a fool of yourself in public. 

Here’s to the beautifully messy tapestry of imperfection, where each thread is a story, a lesson, a laugh, or a tear. Because, let’s face it, perfection is overrated. It’s the quirks, the struggles, and the messiness that make life’s canvas worth marveling at. Embrace the chaos and dance with the awkwardness, for in the grand masterpiece of life, it’s the imperfections that truly shine.  

Practicing Self-Compassion 

The enchanting world of self-compassion allows us to bestow upon ourselves the kind of affection we’d reserve for a cute pot-bellied pig. In a society that thrives on achievements and the approval of others, self-compassion emerges as a rebellious act of treating ourselves with kindness. Yes, you read that right, folks. It’s like a spa day for your soul, and it’s not just a spa treatment—it's the entire damn foundation for well-being. Move over, superficial validation: self-compassion is in town. 

Picture this: self-compassion, the magic potion that turns your inner critic into a sweet, nurturing grandmother. It’s the art of patting yourself on the back when life throws its crap your way. Because, hey, why should you suffer the bashing of your inner judgmental committee? You, too, deserve a little love, especially when you’ve managed to adult through another chaotic day. 

But wait, there’s more! Self-compassion has three nifty components to rock your emotional world. First, we’ve got self-kindness, a lovely concept where you talk to yourself like you would to a friend who lost a Monopoly game. Then there’s shared humanity, where you realize that everyone is essentially falling on their faces, too, just like you. And, of course, mindfulness—a stylish term for observing your emotions without the judgmental glare of a school principal. 

By nurturing self-compassion, you’re basically building a cozy fortress of emotional resilience. It’s like having a stash of comfort food for your soul, ready to tackle any life curveball. With self-kindness, shared “Oops, I did it again” moments, and the vibe of mindfulness, you’re creating a personal sanctuary of care and understanding. It’s not indulgence; it’s self-care taken to a level that even your skincare routine can’t compete with. 

Self-compassion is the revolution where you unapologetically hug your feelings and give yourself pep talks like you're the star of your own motivational movie. Because in a society that loves to point out flaws, embracing self-compassion is like giving a cheeky wink to the universe and saying, “Yeah, I’m imperfect, and I absolutely f*cking adore it.” 

Excerpted from F*ck Happiness: The Search for Meaning in a World Gone Mad Chasing Happiness by Shawn Léon Nowotnik, published by Am-Biv-A-Lent. Copyright © 2024 by Shawn Léon Nowotnik.