An Excerpt from Work-Life Tango

Our current model of achieving work-life balance treats work and personal life as equal and separate, assuming their demands do not interfere with one another. Yet, life cannot be compartmentalized so neatly. True well-being, writes corporate wellness advocate Kristel Bauer, comes not from dividing our obligations into distinct categories but from approaching life integratively, harmonizing all its elements to find fulfillment.

In this excerpt from Chapter 5 of her new book, Work-Life Tango, Bauer argues that pursuing excellence, rather than merely aiming for a “normal” life, leads to a more fulfilling existence.

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Adding the passion to your dance

Think back to the most recent wedding you attended, you know there are many different types of dancers out on a dance floor. There are the ones that are fully immersed in their dance moves, having fun and looking carefree. There are others who are shuffling around, looking awkward and uncomfortable. There are some guests that look visibly agitated and maybe a bit angry for being dragged out there. And then there are the ones that have overindulged in some way and will probably have some regrets the next morning . . . Just like people have different responses to dancing at weddings, people react differently when they hear the word “work.” For many, a special type of discomfort arises. Maybe it’s a vision of groggily rolling out of bed to get ready to go through the monotonous activities of the day when all you really want to do is sleep in and have the day to relax, read a book, and spend time with your friends and loved ones. Perhaps it’s a feeling of annoyance as you realize that you need to face some tasks you don’t enjoy. Or maybe you remember that you are scheduled to have a formal conversation with your boss, colleague, or client who gets under your skin. While these types of responses may be widely accepted as normal or just part of work, they shouldn’t be the norm. You deserve more.

That’s not to say there won’t be things that arise at work which are uncomfortable or that you won’t enjoy, because those things will happen. But when your career lights you up, that fire burns bright enough to overtake even the most tedious and frustrating of moments.

I was able to gain some great insights into living an inspired life from my conversation on my Live Greatly podcast with Bonnie St. John. Bonnie is an Olympic ski medalist and amputee, who was the first African American ever to win medals in Winter Olympic competition, taking home a silver and two bronze medals in downhill skiing at the 1984 Winter Paralympics in Innsbruck, Austria. While talking with Bonnie, she shared: “Don’t strive for normal. Strive for more. Because that’s in many ways easier to do.” So let me ask you a question: Have you been striving for normal? Have you led yourself to believe that you don’t deserve more?

If you find yourself resonating with some or all of this, believe it or not, it is possible for you to get to a place where you are excited to wake up for the workday ahead, knowing that you are making a positive impact doing something that is truly meaningful and important to you. While I was practicing in healthcare, I saw many patients who felt like they had lost their spark. Some had gotten caught up in checking all the boxes of “normal” and they had forgotten about what really got them excited. Get the degree, check. Get a job, check. Make a good income, check. Get married, check. Have kids, check. But then what?

One afternoon when I was seeing patients, I had a physician come in to see me because he was struggling with not feeling happy and fulfilled in his work and life. He had the career that he thought he wanted. He had a loving family, but he didn’t feel excited or inspired in his work/life. After talking with him for a while, I learned that he had stopped doing a lot of the things that he used to enjoy because he was dedicating all his time to his work and his family. He didn’t feel like he had any time to himself. I asked him what activities he used to enjoy. He thought about it for a bit and then started to list different things that he used to have fun doing which he hadn’t thought about for quite a while. We discussed the possibility of him joining a social athletic team as an outlet to build community, exercise, and have fun. If you can add some fun, excitement, and newness into your personal life, that can have a positive ripple effect on how you feel and how you show up at work and in your relationships.

Take a moment and think about your dream car. Maybe it is a cherry-red Ferrari. Maybe it is a Maserati. Perhaps it is the car you are currently driving. Now, there are a lot of parts that go into making that car run at maximum capacity. There is the engine, the battery, the transmission, the brakes, and lots more. If even one of those key parts is worn down and neglected, it will negatively impact the whole car. If one of those key parts was missing, the car wouldn’t be safe to drive, and it probably wouldn’t even run. Obviously, you are not a car, but in order for you to be happy and fulfilled, you also need to make sure that you are not neglecting the key components that bring you joy and meaning.

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